Andrew R Rogers

My hope is that we do indeed live in an upside down Kingdom where to live you have to die, and to die means to be with Christ.

It all started with the death of a good job.  Two years ago I worked for a music production company.  The Lord blessed my efforts.  The money flowed in.  Everyone was fat and happy – our partners, my bosses, and myself.  Everyone except my wife.  The hours and long commute added up to stress in the family department.

But then weird things began happening at the company.  After three rounds of layoffs, the company was a shell of its former self.  I found it hard to accomplish anything new.  Those of us who were left twiddled our thumbs while waiting to collect a check every two weeks.  After a few months, I decided to strike out on my own.  My wife was happy.

At first I wanted to be an indie – music distributor.  I had great relationships with all the top digital retailers and their suppliers.  After a year working with independent musicians I realized I was losing more money in distribution costs than the artists were generating. That dream shriveled.

I was also involved with a local rock band.  We began honing our songwriting and recording skills.  After years of practice and occasional gigging, it became apparent we were all headed in different directions.  Another death.  This was one of the most painful, because those guys had become my closest friends.

There were many other little deaths.  Realizing I’m not meant to be a music producer.  Working with a band and record label that couldn’t quite tie the knot.  Starting a website development company with no future.  The motorcycle of my dreams, with a dead transmission.  I decided to sell the parts on eBay.  This paid the bills for a few months.

Somewhere in there, the biggest death happened.  The death of my motivation and desires.  I just stopped caring about anything.  Music, money, jobs, trips, vacations, work, careers, gadgets, gizmos, stuff in stores, church.  All these things began to seem stupid.  A chasing after the wind.  Meaningless.  I read Ecclesiastes and was pleased that the wisest man in the world agreed with me.

I just didn’t care about the stuff we spend our lives and energy obtaining and protecting and packaging and selling and marketing.  I can walk through the luminous halls of any department or electronics or music store and I actually feel pangs of revulsion at all the shiny plastic and metal.

But I also realized the danger.  I had never stopped caring about my wife and family.  Or my friends.  I realized that protecting and caring for my friends and family means buying and selling and working and creating and interacting in meaningful ways.  All of those things and actions that I no longer cared about.

So I went searching for my missing passion. This went on for months.  I needed to find something I cared about.  I took some personality tests.  Slowly a few things surfaced.  I like helping people.  I like adventure.  I am technical but can also communicate well with people.

I talked to many wise friends throughout these adventures.  A few key thoughts stuck with me.  My friend David shared something about his own quest “I stopped living for myself and started living for something greater.”  My friend Bill encouraged me to ask a simple question whenever trying something new, “Will this please the Lord?” Such a simple, powerful thing.

So I’ll cut to the chase.  I’ve found my passion again.  Something that fills me with hope and inspiration and a desire to “GO” as they say at Glenstone Chapel. And the crazy thing is that it is something that I never would have considered, if all my dreams hadn’t died.  They had to die, to make room for this passion.  Check ‘er out: